Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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