D3 body, D1 cock
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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