found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
