I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
