I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
