he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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