if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
