that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
