drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
