God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
