the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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