4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
