i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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