I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
