I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
