Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
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in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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