she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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