Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
