I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
