I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My penis needs a shock collar
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
