Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize