Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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