your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
