hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
two words...techno handjob
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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