He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
