my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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