I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
