Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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