Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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