So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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