real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
