i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
