you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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