Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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