I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
