Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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