Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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