so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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