remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
