he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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