i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
