Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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