i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
