I can tuck mytits in my pants
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
