If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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