i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
