I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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