this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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