I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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