we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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