We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
