A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
