It's Friday. Sex?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
