This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
