I accidentally had phone sex last night
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think my vagina is haunted
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
