I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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