I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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