I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
