I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
