woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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