Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
