at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
