420 ftw
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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