It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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