I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
