you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My pussy is not your playground.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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