Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize