There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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