Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
