the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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