You just made me feel so damn special
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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